Dear human friend.
This is step three of five to self-healing — for ourselves and the others and for our beautiful planet earth, Gaia.
“Can you forgive your mother?” This question was hard for my client. She had come with chronical neck pain which went all the way into her head. She needed painkillers on a daily base. Her body had told us a story. The story was one of suffering. Never had she lived up to her mother’s desire of how a daughter would supposedly be best. Her mother had told her repeatedly that she was a failure. From childhood on up until today. My client herself was mother of a teenage daughter today. She used her low self-esteem to create another person in her life who acted as her mother had over years of upbringing. By now, she had two of this kind around her. A mother and a daughter. Both were telling her, that she was not enough, a failure.
We had found the traumata in her body and I supported the structures to let the old stories leave and make room for new ones. She cried. She nodded. “Yes.” She said. “I can forgive. She had her reasons. And I can forgive my daughter. I gave her permission to treat me like this.” This brought us to the crucial part. “And can you forgive yourself?” She froze.
Forgiving ourselves is the hardest part, I assume. For we know. We are intelligent. Our cognition is highly developed. We know. Still, knowing does not mean that we already are, that we embody, that we live what we know. And here comes the struggle of forgiving ourselves. If our common sense has realized that we have been acting against it all our life long until the very moment of realization, we might break. We might develop anger against ourselves. We might become disappointed and sad. We might even call ourselves dump and stupid.
We understand all of a sudden that we have given our story away by becoming victims of it. We do not only suffer because others have done wrong on us, we rather suffer because we have let it happen. We have created imbalance in our own lives. And then we have blamed the others that these vicious cycles keep us below our capacity to grow and thrive as the beings we are. We have kept ourselves from taking over the responsibility for our own life. Why should we ever forgive ourselves.
When my client froze, I was still with my hands on her body. I tugged her in. Carefully. And close. I soothed her. I secured her system. I held the space which she had created all by herself in actively listening to herself together with me, allowing me to translate. “It is okay. You are okay.” Was all I needed to say. Then she took a deep breath. Shaking. Crying. The emotions let the body shiver. The structures had given up. Everything was on reset. She allowed herself to go into this vulnerable position because she was supported through my hands, which acted like roots. These roots brought her stability and trust to let go.
Then she nodded. “Okay. I forgive myself.” After a long sigh she added slight pitiful, “Why did I have to turn sixty to realize all that?” I smiled. “I am not sure. But now you have gone through so much experience that you understand how to embody the new you, the one who transforms from the victim into the hero.” She smiled.
“This means,” she said when getting dressed by the end of the session. I can now forgive anyone for anything she or he is doing, right? They all have their story behind their behavior, right? All I need to do is looking closer, trying to understand what it is that brought the other person into this way of being. Active listening, right? But first, I stay patient. I let them come.” I smiled. We can create a better world.
Forgiveness is the key.
This was lesson 3. And it is the third step into self-healing by actively forgiving ourselves and others. We are now holding the space. We are the space. And we can use it for playing and dancing and for going on a treasure hunt, in lesson 4.
With a deep bow. Princess Gaia.